Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Lance Briggs Equals Worlds Greatest Teammate

While most of the Bears were sitting around feeling annoyed that all they had to do after their show-off game against San Francisco was answer questions as if their quarterback had sucked, Lance Briggs decided to prove he is the best teammate and do something about it. So he took his quarter-million dollar Lamborghini and rammed it into a lightpole and then used his world-class speed to get the eff away from the scene. There is not an analogy I can think of that hasn't been overused, but suffice it to say the media are like some kind of mindless organism that is drawn inevitably to and cannot control itself around certain attractants, and an abandoned destroyed ridiculously expensive sports car owned by professional sports player is just such an attractant. Briggs is smart. He figured in his little head as he sprinted away from the wreck frantically calling the police and making up stories that no way would anyone in the Chicago sports media be able to write a story about Rex Grossman or even any other actual football issue now. And it worked! For more than a full 24-hour news cycle the Chicago press has not written a single article debating whether or not Rex Grossman will ever take his team to the playoffs! I want Briggs on my side, too! I hope Rex is man enough to send Briggs some nice roses for this act of selfless teammateness.

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